Immortality

 

It is heartening to see the kind responses to my comment about the poem on death and transformation into nature. Grief has been far more intense and profound than anything I could have imagined only a few months ago. I say that having gone through the suicide, the death by AIDS, disease, and the murder of those I greatly loved who died too young.

I've heard, and now and then entertained, the notions of others about some form of immortality, from reincarnation to the elaborate schemes of the established religions. Those imaginations of immortality of some kind or another all appear to me as forms of wishful thinking, the inability to see the truth and simply accept it. Life is like the Buddhist Mandala, something beautiful, precious, and temporal. The effects of that life my be everlasting, as in a collective unconscious, or in its impact on other living beings. Let that be enough.

For me, grief has slowly and painfully taken me to the realization that my decades of marriage, love, and shared life in empirical reality with Darryl are over. His physical being is now the ashes in the Blue Ridge Mountains and the Chinese Vase in our living room. That makes it all the more valuable to me, the years of joy, of travel, of shared visions and ideas. We shared so much of our understanding of the world, our humanitarian views, our friends, our love of all the arts, of details of life, our love of tennis even, the "little things" of life.

My own life will come to an end soon enough. I am not a young man. I used to want to match Socrates and live until 70. I've passed that by almost 8 years. So, for what is left of it, I shall treasure my life with Darryl and what we accomplished together, without looking endlessly for signs of a ghost. I've seen those signs of others who are "gone." So if he appears when I do die, so be it. Surprise!

In the meantime, I expect nothing from death for either of us. Thank you, Epicurus for your wisdom, for a great celebration of empirical life with all of its wonder and plenitude. There is a bit more of that left for me, and I shall try to enjoy it-- despite the horrifying state of the world at present.

Which reminds me, only the present is actually real; all else, past and future, are imaginative projections, and sometimes, works of art.

Jameson

Celebrating the life and generous character of Darryl Gossett

 

Jack and Darryl at Tybee

Photograph Credit: Steve Killian

On June 7 we took Darryl's ashes to The Graveyard Fields and Waterfall on the Blue Ridge Parkway to flow in the waters there. Nearly one hundred people: friends, family, acquaintances, neighbors, and many who knew Darryl as long as I did or longer, expressed their affection for him, the sense of loss we all feel, the sadness of such a sudden and unexpected death. The beautiful mountain landscape and waterfall provided the ideal setting for those of us who made this pilgrimage to honor Darryl. Long may he remain in our hearts, our feelings, out memories, and our thoughts. I still recall Darryl's reading me the story of spirits who said that they would exist so long as loved ones remembered them. 

Here are some photographs of our ceremony. I want to emphasize that for me the task now is to move from grief to celebration. Darryl deserves our admiration and praise for his generosity, his contribution to medical writing, his sharp wit and intellect, his lack of selfishness (almost to a flaw). He had incredible empathy for others, always kind words for all but the most wicked. 

As a volunteer, in the 1990s, he worked in a hospice for those dying of AIDS. In 2008 and 2010 he served as a volunteer at Kalani on Hawaii's Big Island, working in the kitchen and helping with high tech development in Kalani's administration. In his decade of service as an editor and writer at the Emory School of Medicine, Darryl published extensive articles on health research, including an article on Alzheimer Disease that won an award from the American Medical Association in Atlanta. Darryl served as President of the Atlanta Chapter of the American Medical Writers Association. Darryl also attended numerous medical conferences, including a program in Neurology given by Harvard University in New England. After Emory, Darryl served as a medical editor and program director at WebMD. Among other accomplishments, Darryl taught Creative Writing in the Adult Education Department of Emory. He also wrote numerous articles for the Arthritis Foundation. Perhaps one of his most rewarding essays was his explanation published in =Emory Medicine= of Emory's discovery of Ramses I, grandfather of Ramses the Great, and the proof of his identity by Emory using DNA evidence provided by Egypt. Emory gave the Pharaoh back to Egypt as a gift. The Egyptian Curator of Emory then invited Darryl to join an extensive, select tour of Egypt with Trustees of The Metropolitan Museum in New York and other connoisseurs of Egyptian Art. It was an aesthetic experience Darryl shared with us in detail. 

Few people have the blessing of such a remarkable 35-year relationship, one  that has made my life rich and rewarding. Darryl gave my life passion, appreciation for the good qualities of life, the joy of an intense and beautiful intimacy. We traveled over much of the world together, from Alaska to the Perito Moreno Glacier in Patagonia, from Istanbul to Amsterdam to Haleakala, year after year. How fortunate I was the night that handsome young man walked into our mutual hallway, wearing a long nightshirt, carrying a copper candlestick with a burning candle, and telling me, yes, he knew who Karen Finley is, that he loved her art work and performances. 

Steve, John, Carl, Lillian, and Kelly

Darryl waves from the Top of Graveyard Falls

On the Blue Ridge Parkway.

 

Morning Ceremony

 

In a private, intimate ceremony this morning, I gave some of Darryl's ashes to Black Rock Mountain, pictured here beside our favorite cabin. It is a halcyon day, quiet, only a few birds chirping their songs. Several of us will give more of Darryl's ashes to Mount Pisgah and Graveyard Falls, where we have enjoyed being together.

As a secular mystic, today, I have felt a psychic presence. I wore Darryl's shirt that fits me to a T, pictured above. Is it a message to me from Darryl's after-life,  urging me to continue finding joy in life? Of course it is. He loved me beyond boundaries.